It was the second day of Chinese New Year, when my family decided to open our house to our relatives for card games. Having eaten too much food during the last two days, all of us agreed to settle our own dinner before meeting up. However, one of them seemed to be unaware of this arrangement. Because of other plans, he arrived a little late without eating dinner beforehand. The doorbell was low on battery, so the ringing was drowned out by the noise within the house.
When he resorted to knocking the door, my mother heard it and answered the door.
“Have you eaten yet?”
“No.”
“We have no dinner available. You’ll have to go to the food court next door to eat.”
“Okay,” he said as he got ready to leave.
“Why don’t you leave your bag here with us so that you don’t need to carry so much?”
“My umbrella is inside,” he said as he left.
After an hour, my other relatives were wondering why he was not back yet, so they tried to call his cell phone but he did not respond to any of the calls. It seemed that he thought we intentionally did not leave any food for him and felt rejected. As he lives alone, he was probably more prone to such emotions. Also, he grew up separately from the rest of my relatives, making it hard for him to blend in with us.
In such a situation, what should be done to make him feel more accepted?
Oh no.. this is such a sad story.. This is a misunderstanding, but even if you tell him that it is a misunderstanding in this situation, I don't think it will make him feel any better. Sometimes, it's the small issues that will pile up and in the end, hurt someone.
ReplyDeleteDepending on his age or who he's closer to, perhaps someone in your family can send him a card of some sorts, just to apologise (that's not saying you're wrong) and tell him that he is appreciated in the family. The apology may soften any resentment that he may have felt, and the appreciation may make him more open to listening. Then of course, in the future, try to prevent such situations from happening again by always considering him during family gatherings.
Jia you, and thanks for sharing! =)
Hey Kenneth! Thanks for sharing! This was such a heart-wrenching story, ironically during a supposedly cheerful season.
ReplyDeleteLike what Edwin mentioned, it's these small issues that may seem insignificant to us that may matter to others.
This situation also underlines the importance of making sure the proper message gets delivered to the recipient - one of the fundamentals of effective communication.
Now that you know that he is more prone to reacting in such a way, a suggestion would be to go to greater lengths to accommodate him in the future. In similar circumstances, perhaps some one in your family (or you yourself) could accompany him to the food court for dinner.
Perhaps at this stage, a family member could arrange for a meet up with him to talk to him and to find out more about him. It would be prudent since he's living alone and it would be nice to have the support by relatives as well.
Wishing you (and your family) all the best in this conflict resolution!
Thank you, Kenneth, for this fairly clear and concise post of the conflict scenario. You do a very good job of story telling. However, it isn't clear to me how the wayward relative showed his sense of rejection other than by not answering his phone. You state as follows: "It seemed that he thought we intentionally did not leave any food for him and felt rejected." Okay. But did this seem to be the case just from him not responding to the phone? Or did he also not return at all?
ReplyDeleteI like the way you utilize dialogue to make the scenario more real. You've also inspired good feedback from your two readers. I appreciate your effort.
Oh dear :(
ReplyDeleteI think perhaps your family should have sounded more welcoming to him. At least when your family informs him about the lack of availability of dinner, you should at least offer him to have some snacks at your place instead, or someone close should offer to accompany him to the food court at least?
It's important to follow up with him, someone should contact him to ask what happened that day and if he's alright? At least such small actions will let him know that his relatives are actualy concerned for him?
All the best with resolving this misunderstanding!